I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
