Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
