Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
