okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
