Non-Jews are for practice
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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