see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
