Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
