Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Your dad touched me again.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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