i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Randomize
