This dress was meant to end up on your floor
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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