I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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