can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
