She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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