I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
