Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
