I will die if light touches me.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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