More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
barbara walters just said penis...
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
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