What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You're a waste of cheezeits
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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