Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
