i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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