Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
