I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
