Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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