You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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