I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
It was confusing and full of hummus
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
