false alarm. still invincible.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
