you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
