he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
