I faked an abortion last night.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
