my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Randomize
