considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
