i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
