I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
