i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Randomize
