I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
