Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
