...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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