her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
