I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
