My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
