as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
