I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
