Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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