I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
