Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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