You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You're like the curious george of whores
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
i think i just lost a toe
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
