After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
