my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
you will always have a special place in my vag
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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