his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
