I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
