she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
There's always time for handjobs
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
