All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize