The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
