Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
