Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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