Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
