Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
