Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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