Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
