I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
