Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
tell me about the eggs
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