i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Randomize
