did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
