I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
