Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize