went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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