My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize