She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
